


A new beginning

by tris_tomlinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cutting, Depression, Eating Disorders, M A J O R T R I G G E R W A R N I N G, M/M, Proceed with caution, Suicidal Thoughts/Actions, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-09 06:53:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4338296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tris_tomlinson/pseuds/tris_tomlinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you'll see. if you wanna read, its larry, but be warned, lots of triggers probs, but i'll put a tw at the beginning if that chappie has a trigger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this one has a mention of an abusive ex, but he wont be mentioned other than in the first chapter, and no abuse scenes will ever be mentioned (i think, i'll warn you if it changes). if any of you are stuck in an abusive relationship, please seek help. i love all of you. xxx

Louis was miserable. He had been so for a long time. It started when he was a kid. The depression, the suicidal thoughts, the self-harm. It went on for years. Then one day, he met Harry. Harry stole his heart and made him feel loved. He made Louis feel alright for once in his life. His depression got better, and he stopped hurting himself.Then, when Louis told Harry he was in love with him, Harry left. He didn’t even say anything. He just walked out. No rhyme or reason; he just left. He walked out of Louis' life, and it's been hell without him. And this, this moment, is where their story begins. He wanted to fix what had happened, or at least try to. He couldn't go on like this knowing - well, thinking - that Harry hated him. It was six months after Harry left. Six months of not getting out of bed. Six months of not eating. Six months of ruining the whole year clean he had. Six months before Louis decided to text Harry again.

 

**_Haz…. Text me back…. Please…. I wanna know…. Why did you leave me? –Lou_ **

_Why do you want to know? –H_

**_You broke me. I want to know why. –Lou_ **

_I didn’t do it to hurt you. –H_

**_Well you did. –Lou_ **

_Long distance relationships never work, love. I’m sorry. –H_

_It’s for the best, I promise. –H_

**_Bullshit –Lou_ **

**_I told you everything. –Lou_ **

**_Everything. Even about him. –Lou_ **

**_And you promised you wouldn’t do what he did. –Lou_ **

**_But you did. –Lou_ **

_I don’t want you to remember me like him… -H_

**_Well I do. -Lou_ **   
**_And I can't stop. And it fucking hurts. -Lou_ **

 

Louis remembered Harry in the worst way imaginable. He remembered Harry like he remembered the boyfriend he had before him. He was mean and abusive, and he walked out. Louis gave him his virginity, and the next day he was gone. Louis thought he really loved him, but apparently he was wrong. Then he met Harry. He fell head over heels for him. And that has never changed. He didn't want it to. Well, that wasn't entirely true. Some days he wished he would stop thinking of him like that, but he couldn't. No matter how hard he tried. It was impossible.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**_Well I do. –Lou_ **

**_And I can’t stop. And it fucking hurts. –Lou_ **

****

_What do you want me to do, Louis? –H_

**_Make it stop hurting. –Lou_ **

****

_If we’ll still work in a few years, when I’m back, we can try again. –H_

**_I’m not sure I’ll be here in a few years. –Lou_ **

****

_What do you mean? –H_

**_I mean goodbye. –Lou_ **

**_For good. –Lou_ **

**_You won’t see me, hear me, or look at me. Ever again. Because I won’t be here. –Lou_ **

****

_Louis, no –H_

**_Goodbye, Harry Styles. Have a nice life. –Lou_ **

 

A few seconds later, Louis’ phone rang. It was Harry. Louis answered and put the phone on speaker. He said nothing and tossed his phone onto the bed.

 

“Louis?” Harry spoke.

 

“What could you possibly want from me now?” Louis asked.

 

“Louis, please consider this.”

 

“I have. For well over two weeks now,” Louis replied.

 

“Why? Why are you doing this?” Harry asked.

 

“Because my life fucking sucks. I hate me and so does everyone else. And I’m fucking fed up with this!”

 

“You don’t see yourself how everyone else does,” Harry tried to reason with him.

 

“How would you know? You left like everyone else.”

 

 “I didn’t leave because of you!”

 

“Then why did you? Because it felt like I did something, but you wouldn’t tell me what!”

 

 “I got an internship in London.”

 

“And you feel like that was a good enough reason to leave me? Right after I told you I love you! You didn’t even give it a chance, Harry!”

 

“I didn’t know you were going to say that.”

 

 “But I did. Can I go now? I’d like to be gone before sunrise.”

 

 “No. Louis, no.”

 

“Why do you care? Why are you trying to stop me?”

 

“If our roles were reversed, what would you do?”

 

“I wouldn’t have left in the first place.”

 

Harry sighed. “If I told you that I was going to end my life before the night was over, would you let me get off the phone?”

 

Louis didn’t even hesitate to answer, “No.”

 

“Exactly. Now, why don’t you come over to London and stay awhile. You can stay in my flat with me.”

 

 “Why are you doing this to me?” Louis whispered.

 

“I’m not doing anything to you!”

 

 “You made me fall in love with you. Then you left. And I know as soon as I let you back in you’re going to leave again…”

 

“So you’re going to off yourself because of an ex-boyfriend!? Why would you do that!? Why?!”

  

“It’s not only because of you. Does everything have to be about you? God, I just want to curl up in a fucking hole and die. Can I go now, Harry?” Louis’ voice was thick with tears as they ran down his face rapidly.

 

“No, Lou. Don’t cry, honey. Come to London, love. Let me take care of you. I want you to be okay. I have work, but you can stay at my place with me.”

 

 “Harry, I don’t think I have the strength to want to get up. Plus, you’ll just send me away the first chance you get.”

 

“No, love. You can stay as long as you want. Take the train to London, Lou.”

 

Louis sighed and whispered, “Fine, just let me get some stuff p-packed.”

 

“Okay, love. I’ll see you soon, yeah?” Harry couldn’t help but let the names of endearment slip out.

 

 “Y-yeah…” Louis ended the call and packed a small overnight bag. He put the essentials and a few days’ worth of clothes. He knew that Harry would make him leave at some point.

 

Louis soon hopped on the train and made his way to London. When he stepped off, he texted Harry.

 

**_What’s your address? –Lou_ **

_I’ll pick you up at the station. –H_

**_Hurry its cold –Lou_ **

**_I swear to God if you let me freeze, I will never forgive you –Lou_ **

_Are you already there? –H_

**_Yeah –Lou_ **

_Hang tight, I’ll be there in a second with a warm car. Did you bring a coat? –H_

Louis thought about his question. Damnit, he only brought a small hoodie.

**_Only a hoodie. I didn’t think to bring one –Lou_ **

_Don’t worry, you can have mine. –H_

****

**_No, I don’t want you to freeze. –Lou_ **

 

Several minutes passed with no response. Louis started to worry he’d been forgotten.

 

**_Hello? –Lou_ **

  

Instead of a text message reply, he heard a deep, slow voice come from behind him. “Turn around, silly.” Then, Louis turned and was face to face with Harry. Well, more like face to chest because of their ever-growing height difference. He looked up into Harry’s eyes, and his own teared up. He felt Harry’s strong arms wrap around him in a tight hug. He held back onto him as if his life depended on it.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Louis clung tightly to Harry, missing his warmth and the feeling of him.

 

“Baby, no, don’t cry. I’m here. Shh, I’m here, Lou. I’m not going anywhere. I’m gonna stay right here with you,” Harry promised a crying Louis.

 

 Louis sniffled before responding, “M-maybe not right h-here…. ‘S c-cold, Haz…”

 

 “Alright, baby. Let’s get to my flat.”

 

 Harry picked Louis up, not wanting to let go of him. Louis squirmed a bit on the way to the car.

 

 “You know I don’t like when you pick me up,” Louis said with a soft voice.

  

“And you know I don’t like when you criticize yourself, love,” Harry said.

 

Harry put Louis in the passenger seat, untangling the smaller boy from himself. He saw the small pout on his face, and he kissed his forehead. Harry got in the driver’s seat and took one of Louis’ small hands in his own. He held it tightly the entire way home. He noticed Louis’ eyes drooping with sleep. Harry pulled into the driveway and got out. He walked around the car to Louis’ side. Harry opened the door and helped Louis out.

 

“C’mon, darling, let’s go in.”

 

Harry kept his arm around Louis’ waist and let the boy lean on him. Louis was mumbling to himself in a quiet voice. It was then that Harry realized how much he had truly missed him. He missed the quiet “Hazza”s that would slip out of his mouth as he slept. And even when Louis asked him something. He missed the mumbled words that he couldn’t understand when Louis got too tired. He missed the way the boy’s blue eyes lit up when he saw Harry walk through the door. He missed the hugs and small kisses. He missed the big kisses too, but the small ones meant more to him. It was then that Harry realized something else as well. He loved Louis, too.

 

Harry led the two of them inside, Louis’ eyes already slipping closed. Harry walked them up the stairs into his room. He sat Louis on the bed and pulled off the boy’s shirt. He helped Louis wriggle out of his jeans and into some pajama pants. Then he picked Louis up and laid him under the covers. Harry changed his own clothes and got in bed next to Louis and pulled him close. Louis didn’t resist one bit, but he looked up at Harry.

 

 “Not gonna make me sleep in the other room…?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

 

 “I could never make you sleep alone when I’m right here, Lou. Go to sleep, love. We’ll talk in the morning,” Harry instructed.

 

 Louis simply nodded and let his eyes shut.

  

“I still love you, y’know…” he whispered.

 

 “I love you too, Lou.”

 

 “You mean that?”

 

 “Course I do. Now get some sleep. I know you need it.”

 

Soon enough, Louis drifted off. Once Harry was confident that he was asleep, he let himself sleep as well. Both of them needed a good night’s sleep, and this was the best they’d gotten in six months.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Harry woke up the next morning to a weight on his chest that wasn’t there before. He looked down, and Louis was sleeping peacefully with a small smile on his face. Harry didn’t have the heart to wake him up, so he let Louis sleep. He just laid with Louis until he woke up.

 

A few hours later, Louis began to stir. He shifted and moved his head to Harry’s shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked at Harry. Louis smiled at him and threw his arm over Harry’s waist.

 

“Morning, love,” Harry whispered.

 

“Morning, Hazza,” Louis whispered back.

 

“Sleep well?” Harry asked him softly.

 

“Mhm,” Louis nodded. “You?”

 

 “Pretty good. Let’s get up and I’ll make you some breakfast, yeah?”

 

Louis nodded and rolled off of Harry. He kept rolling until he fell out of bed and landed on his bum with a soft thump. He looked up at Harry and giggled quietly. Harry walked over to him to help him up.

 

“Oops?” he said softly.

 

“Hi, love,” Harry said as he helped Louis off the ground.

 

“You remember the first time we said that to each other?” Louis asked.

 

“Of course. How could I forget?”

  

Louis shrugged and hesitated, then he took Harry's hand. Harry gripped his firmly as if he never wanted to let go.

  

“You don’t have to be afraid to touch me, Lou,” Harry told him. Louis blushed and nodded.

  

Harry and Louis walked downstairs together. Harry made Louis sit at the table while he cooked them breakfast. Louis watched, knowing he wouldn’t eat much. He was wondering how he’d play it off to Harry. Louis knew Harry wouldn’t believe him, but he would try to put it off as not feeling well.

  

A few minutes later, Harry put a plate in front of Louis and sat next to him with his own plate. Harry put his left arm around Louis’ waist.

 

“Eat, Lou,” Harry instructed.

  

Louis nodded and ate a little bit, and he noticed Harry watching him. He ate a few more bites before looking up at Harry.

 

“I can’t eat anymore, Haz…”

  

“Baby, I need you to eat more than that. You hardly ate anything.”

 

 “I can’t, I don’t feel good…”

 

 “I know you don’t, but I still need you to eat more than what you have. Just a few more bites, love, and then you can stop, I promise.”

  

Louis nodded and ate a bit more, and Harry kissed his cheek. Then, Harry picked up his plate and Louis’ and put them in the sink. He took Louis’ hand and gently pulled him up out of the chair. He held the smaller boy close and brought them to the couch. He sat on it with Louis in his lap.

 

“You ate well, love,” Harry told him.

 

 “Feel sick, Hazza,” Louis mumbled, burying his face in Harry’s chest.

 

 “I know. You have to keep it down. Can you do that for me?” Louis nodded.

 

 “Anything for you,” came Louis’ muffled whisper.

  

“Good boy. I love you.”

 

“I love you, too.”

  

“I know, Lou. Now, do you wanna watch a movie or something? Or do you wanna go out?”

 

 “Whatever you want, Haz,” Louis said in a soft voice.

  

“Lou, you pick. Do you want to see London or do you want to stay in?”

  

Louis thought for a bit before replying, “Wanna go out, Hazza.”

  

“Alright, let’s go get dressed and we can go out.”

 

 “Only if I can wear one of your jumpers.”

  

“Of course,” Harry smiled down at his boy- not his boy. Not anymore. Maybe soon though.

 

 Louis smiled and giggled. He stood up and, taking Harry’s hand in his own, pulled the taller one up off the couch. Once Harry was standing, Louis smiled and ran off to the bedroom. Harry chuckled and followed him. He caught up with Louis in a few strides and picked the smaller boy up and held him on his shoulder.

  

Louis squealed with laughter and shouted, “Put me down you big dork!”

 

“Dork, am I? Well I’m the dork you love, so shush.”

 

 Louis giggled at his words and did as told. Before he knew it, Harry had gently tossed him onto the bed and straddled him. Louis looked up at Harry, that familiar mischievous glint back in his eyes. It was then that Harry thought maybe he was the best thing for Louis. His mind went back to the boy in front of him, and he pecked Louis’ lips gently and lingered for a second.

  

When he pulled back, he asked, “What do you wanna wear, Loulou?”

  

“Whatever belongs to you, Haz.”

  

“Why are you so fascinated with my clothes, hm?” Harry asked.

 

 “Smells like you.”

 

 “And what do I smell like?” Harry wondered aloud.

  

“Home…” Louis said in a quiet voice, as if he were afraid of the reaction he'd get.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry its short, ive been working on this a lot on the side, its kinda cheesy and shit idk sorry >.


End file.
